Why Did It Take Me So Long to Write This?
The truth I convinced myself of was this: When I first started my Substack, I told myself that this would be different; I would intentionally build a practice of writing on this app because I loved it so much. I was going to write tons of articles because I was in a flow state. I even created a list of blogs that I want to write about. The first two I wrote came so easily. The first was literally in the middle of the night, lying down ready for bed, and just like that, the words came flooding to my head. I grabbed my phone, and everything I wanted to say just poured out of me into the notes of my phone.
I’ve had this happen to me before, and honestly, it’s one of the best feelings as a writer. So I just knew I had broken the barrier between my inner critic and me. All my pieces would come flooding to me this way. I just knew it.
Also, I wrote a part one to a story - How Creativity Saved Me pt.1 - that had to be the answer, right? Since there’s a part 1 and it’s my own story, the second one will come so easily. Who can’t write about themselves, right?!
So with every intention to do my next piece—boom— the Bad Bunny halftime show happens. And the emotions and inner conversations were running rampant in my mind. I had fallen into what felt like the Bad Bunny black hole of marketing and media and couldn’t stop watching. Emotions were so high—I just HAD to write about it. I was in Austin at the time (got to watch it with my best friend out there), so on my plane ride home, it happened again! This time, I whipped out my computer, and the words just flooded.
Literally, picture a scene straight out of Sex and the City, or something I actually watched Jane the Virgin, with your head nodding from side to side. Words just flying in the air while a smile is planted across your face. You feel every thought, every emotion.
OMG! I truly cracked the code! We’ve finally arrived!! This is what it feels like to be a real writer, moments of epiphanies and inspirations ALL THE TIME.
I can’t believe after years of holding back, I finally made it. I have SO many stories I want to tell. So many lived experiences that I just know will resonate with so many people. So this will be a piece of cake. Right?
And then nothing… I could just hear the crickets now *cue cricket sound*
The real truth: When Family Joy Was Loud (my second piece) was written on Feb. 11th—over a month ago. And I’ve been wanting to write for weeks now, but it has yet to happen for all the reasons we tell ourselves. I have no time. I’m building my business. That moment of inspiration will come, and it will flood as it has in the past. The difference between before and now is that I got so caught up with everything outside of my writing that I lost the practice. Let me explain. During those times when I felt those “epiphanies,” I was in the practice of journaling regularly, and I was writing notes on my Substack daily. I was in the practice of flexing my writing muscle. As of late, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and business building, which is great, but writing has become secondary. I realize that writing doesn’t come from just moments of inspiration or an impulse of emotion; it comes from practice. It only feels like a powerful moment because you’ve made room for such a moment to exist. You cleared the noise of your thoughts, your day-to-day, and your life, so that all that’s left is inspiration!
My takeaway: Don’t believe the hype of the “AHA” moment because it’s the practice that gets you there.
I wrote this with no idea of what I would write; I just decided to set aside the time to make it happen. That’s what it means to build a practice. So here’s to getting back to writing in a way that feels sustainable.
If you want to read the pieces I mentioned:
